Burning Bernie...

It's interesting the opportunities that a person will seize when they are presented to them. Take Larry Levine for example.



Larry was sentenced to federal prison for narcotics trafficking, securities fraud, racketeering, obstruction of justice, and machine guns. But Now Larry has paid his debt to society and is out making a living. Is he bagging groceries? Is he pumping gas or digging ditches? Nope, Larry is a consultant. He lets White Collar Criminals know what to expect when they loose their court cases and head off to jail. Important things like, "on your first day, pick someone really big and beat him senseless or you'll end up as someone's girlfriend." But guess who Larry Levine is disgusted with; Bernard Madoff. The exact quote is:

"Now, I had Madoff’s reps get a hold of me before he went into custody and I turned them down. I wouldn’t help the guy out because I view him as an economic terrorist. If you rip off a bank and insurance company, an institution, that’s an acceptable crime. Bernie hurt people. He hurt people individually and I refuse to help people like that. Let him rot in hell."

I like Larry Levine.

- Rob Carlton

The Value Factor...

I think it's funny that you always know exactly how much someone's shirt costs. Try this out sometime. Walk up to a friend and say "Hey, that's a nice shirt!". There are only two possible responses to this statement.

1. "Thanks, can you believe I got this at Old Navy for 10 dollars?!"

2. "Oh, thanks."

If it's number 2 you know they paid WAYYYYY too much for that shirt.

- Rob Carlton

The King and Queen of Hate...

I was flipping through the channels last night and happened to cross Fox News where Bill O'Reily was interviewing Ann Coulter. I blacked out for about 45 minutes and when I came too the show was over. Hopefully there will be no lasting effects. However, if I start making ridiculous accusations of minorities plotting to overthrow the government by having more babies or 9/11 widows using the tragedy of the New York attacks to further their acting careers, call me on it.



- Rob

Future Do-It-Yourselfer...

Took The Boy to Home Depot yesterday. He started drooling in the power tool aisle. It could have been teething but I choose to think that he was thinking of all the good he could do in this world with a new Dewalt 28 volt Hammer Drill.



- Rob, Heather and Braeden Carlton

Kobe the Riot Maker...

Call me a naive Midwesterner but I don't see the correlation between my team winning the championship and the need to burn my neighbors Impala to a smoldering heap of metal. Maybe it's because Kansas City hasn't won a playoff game in any sport in 16 years. Hopefully this is our year though because I need some new shoes!





Congrats Lakers Fans...

- Rob

The Oven Question...

I was cooking a pizza in the oven and I turned by back for 2 seconds. In that time, Braeden decided to drunk-stumble across the kitchen yelling "DOOOOOOOO!!" - Hands outstretched heading right for the oven door. I turned and yelled - NO! but it was too late. Little hands came into direct contact with oven glass.

Braeden turned to me and started crying right away and my heart fell through the floor. My mind started formulating the plan right away - grab him, call 911, run his hands under cool water, head for the car... - Then I realized that he wasn't crying from pain, he was crying because I had scared the crap out of him. I reached down and touched the glass gingerly and it was cool.

After a little consoling I put him down and he wandered off to play with his cars. I stood dumbfounded at the oven and continued to put my hands on the glass but no matter how many times I touched it, same result - cool. I've lived in that house for over 3 years being as cautious as I could so I wouldn't burn myself on the oven door. But it turns out burning yourself on the oven door is a thing of the past.

So here's the question. Do I still warn him about it? It's been drilled into me so hard to avoid the oven door that it seems irresponsible not to. Yet another parenting question that now keeps me up at night, and he can't even ask questions yet. I bet I have some interesting situations on the horizon...

- Rob, Heather and Braeden Carlton

It Finally Happened...

So, I've been proud, pissed, tired, happy, sad, angry, tired, excited, unsure, nervous, tired, ecstatic, confused, worried, did I mention tired? All these are emotions I have experienced in the last year thanks to my baby boy. Right about the time I feel like I've gotten a handle on things, however, I get an email from daycare. They said that Braeden was doing so well with the gradual transition to the toddler room that they were thinking it was in his best interest to skip the transition and move him full time to toddlerville.

My first response was "NO - HE'S TOO YOUNG! He'll get trampled by the other kids, he doesn't know how to use a spoon yet, he needs his two naps a day"... on and on. But for the first time, I had to step back and let him do what was best for him. When I went to pick him up from daycare, this is what I found.



As I stood there balling like a little girl I realized that he's started a whole new chapter in his life and so have I. I'm terrified of having to live this moment over and over again for the rest of my life, but I'm excited to see what then next step brings for him. He's no longer a baby, he's a toddler and it took no time at all to get here. Eyes back on your own plate girly... He's still TO YOUNG to date!

Rob, Heather and Braeden Carlton

Destructo!!!

It seems that The Boy and a tornado have a lot in common when it comes to cake.





-Rob, Heather and Braeden Carlton

Open Letter to Black and Decker...

Dear Black and Decker Development Team:

I wanted to thank you for the invention of the Dust Buster. It is, so far, the most effective tool for removing corn bread from my son's hair.

Thank you,

-Rob