Welcome to All...

I found something interesting on Analytics yesterday. Check it out.



There's only one explanation for this. Obviously President Obama is a fan of Carltonology! He's only visited once and he spent a total of zero minutes and zero seconds on the site, but he's a fan. I'll let you know when my portion of the stimulus package arrives...

Rob -

Number 1!

We're the number 1 site on Google if you search for "Braeden Carlton"! Congratulations to Braeden for winning that honor. If you Google "Rob Carlton" you get a B-List Sci-Fi movie actor and a weird band. (Before you ask, neither one pertains to me).

Oddly enough, Yahoo and MSN Search do not have him at the top. All you get is Soap Opera references if you "Yahoo" or "MSN" Braeden Carlton. This leads me to the obvious question of "Why are you using anything but Google anyway?"

And now a little gift for all of you. Here's the guy you get if you Google my name.



I hate that this guy doesn't look like a movie star should look.

Rob, Heather and Braeden Carlton

Just Came Across This Photo...

"Ease up off my eggs homeboy..."

Open Letter to 21 Year Old Braeden - #2

Hey buddy,

Sorry about the whole "no-pants" trip to Babies R' Us tonight. It's been a while since you managed to pee out a diaper and we just plain weren't ready for it. Your mom says it's fine but I kind of think that there's a social acceptability to not wearing pants that disappears once you're able to walk. I know I'd be all for a trip to Target in my boxers but society says otherwise so what are you gonna do?

Anyway, I'm sure this will never come up again. I'm sure that one day when you bring home "the one" to meet ol' mom and dad that we won't bring up the time you ran half naked through the baby-safety aisle and yelled "DOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" while we tried to chase you. Don't worry though, we'll just show her this and she'll think you're soooo cute...



Can't wait to meet her.

Dad -

Defeated by a Toddler...

I never realized the effort it takes to keep a 1 year old from throwing a dinner roll off of the table. I understand why parents always look so somber and defeated when they are out in public now.



On a side note, we went out to eat on Saturday night and there was a couple sitting next to us that looked like they were in the beginning stages of dating (perhaps 3rd or 4th date). Braeden started hooting at everything like he was starving and I eventually had to take him outside. As we were sitting in front of the resturaunt the couple came out and I caught the tale end of the conversation with the guy saying "And that's why I don't want kids..."

If there is any justice in the world, his 80's style pop-collar and greasy hair will guarantee that he doesn't even get the chance for quite a while.

Rob, Heather and Braeden Carlton -

Follow up...

As a submission to lock up my position for Next Year's "Father of the Year Award"... June 7th is a Sunday so I actually wrote down the appointment wrong again.

Rob -

Father of the Year...

I got a notice on my Gmail Calendar yesterday that Braeden had a Dr.s Appointment at 11 am. I knew nothing about it so I emailed Heather and she replied that she didn't know about one either and that the next appointment she had down was on May 28th at 11 am. I decided to call the Pediatrician's office. Here is a transcript of that call:

Nurse: Priority Care Pediatrics, how can I help you?

Me: Hello, I've got an appointment today and I can't make it.

Nurse: What's your child's name?

Me: Braeden Carlton

Nurse: [Long pause] - Sir, I don't have anything down for Braeden.

Me: Ok, I must have written it down wrong, the next appointment is on the 28th of May right?

Nurse: [Long pause] - Um... no the next appointment I have is June 7th.

Me: Huh, the 7th? Are you sure it's not May 28th?

Nurse: I'm sure sir. I have a note here that a nurse called you a week ago and asked you if they could re-schedule the appointment for June 7th because the Dr. is out on May 28th. [Her voice now changed to a parent / child voice] - Do you remember that conversation sir?

Me: Um... kind of. [I look forward in my calendar and see an appointment set up for June 7th.] - Yeah, I remember it now.

Nurse: Ok sir, so your appointment is on June 7th at 3:30. Is that day and time still alright with you?

Me: [Tough guy voice] - Yes, it's fine.

Nurse: [Now a Grandma / grandchild voice] - Do you want to go ahead and write that down so you don't forget?

Me: [Long pause] - yes... thank you...

I'm still not sure where the May 11th appointment came from, but at this point I'm not surprised that it's in there.

Rob, Heather and Braeden Carlton

Heather's New Ride...

We tried to make her wait until her birthday. But you know how persistent she can be...







Rob -

Let's Go For a Ride!

Falling in the same ridiculous category as "directions for use" on a shampoo bottle, The Surgery Center in Liberty, MO has a policy that no patient can leave the building unless a nurse is pushing them out in a wheel chair. Of course wheel chairs are not built for 11 month old babies so guess who got to climb in and carry the little guy when he woke up from his ear tube surgery? I'm sure you can imagine the looks I got from the other dads when they saw a 94 lb nurse pushing this through the waiting room...



Let's all thank Heather for having the presence of mind to capture the moment for posterity... - By the way, Braeden's surgery went great and he's feeling 1000% better already. Thank you all for the support.

Rob, Heather and Braeden Carlton -

International Blog of Mystery...

I checked the numbers for April and Carltonology has had it's best month ever with 87 visitors! And we've now gone international with visits from real countries like Argentina, Spain, Norway and India as well as fake countries like Canada and France.



Yeah Baby!

Rob -

Yummy!!

Things I've pulled out of Braeden's mouth this week:

1. My cell phone
2. Heather's cell phone
3. A dead ladybug - yes really
4. A weirdly colored piece of string
5. My finger - he bites really really hard
6. Dirt
7. His own sock

Rob, Heather and Braeden Carlton -

Anatomy of a Sugar Crash...

First trip to Cold Stone with The B Man. The following takes place between 4:00 pm and 4:05 pm...


Uh... hey guys, that looks good, what is that?


Nom nom nom...


Very interesting... Much better than mashed carrots and cereal I think.


DEFINITELY BETTER, MAN THIS IS GOOD WOW DADADADADADADADA LET'S RUN AROUND AND CHASE BIRDS OR WE CAN GO OUTSIDE AND YELL REALLY LOUD OR...


HEY HAVE YOU GUYS EVER HAD ICE CREAM BEFORE IT'S AWESOME YOU SHOULD TRY IT IT'S SOOOO GOOD AND I REALLY LIKE IT AND I'M GOING TO TALK NONSTOP FOR A LONG TIME AND MAYBE I'LL HAVE SOME MORE GIVE ME ANOTHER BITE BEFORE I EVEN SWALLOW THIS ONE MAN THIS IS REALLY REALLY GOOD


Whew... that ice cream is good stuff... really like... it...


hey guys... have we been here a... really long time... are you tired..?


time to go...


ice... cream... is... sooo... zzzzzzzzz

Rob Heather and Braeden Carlton -

A Mule of a Different Color

I recently discovered that the mule is the state animal of my home state of Missouri. For those of you who grew up somewhere besides the Mid-West, a mule is what happens when a horse and a donkey love each other very much.

Now in my opinion, a horse is too stupid to be as strong as it is. So I don't understand the logic of intentionally breeding something simply because it's stronger and stupider than a horse. But that's what a mule is. It's a dumber, stronger horse. Here's the kicker though (no pun intended). The reason you have to breed a horse and a donkey is because mules are sterile. Two mules can not create a third mule.

So that's how we decided to represent ourselves to the rest of the nation. Hey everybody, we're the idiot sterile work-horse, Missouri. It's really no wonder that people living on the coasts call us the "Fly-over States".



Rob -